The French Ban on Soda Refills is…Sodum

The French government, in the name of fighting obesity, has issued a ban on offering unlimited soft drink refills to customers.

Let’s be honest with ourselves for a minute.  Choices can be pesky things.  The bother of having different products to decide between can take seconds, even minutes out of your busy day.  We all know how hard it is to decide what to buy when we’re literally assaulted by dozens of different types of every kind of product.  Well never fear, intrepid human, for the French overlords are looking out for you.  They heard your cries, ringing out far into the night, your wails of pain and suffering reached them in their ivory towers, and they responded.  The wise oligarchs know, in their wise wisdom, that choice is more dangerous than fascism.  They know that if left to their own devices human beings wouldn’t have the slightest idea of how to live their own damn lives.

It’s true that navigating the minefield of deciding what to put into your body can be difficult, and often leads to the wrong choice being made.  So what to do?  Well, according to French bureaucrats, we need the choice to be removed.  And since bureaucrats have a level of knowledge far superior than what’s available for the rest of us, we can be content in knowing that they will correctly decide which choices need to be removed, and which (for now at least) can stay.

 Freedom isn’t just a good idea, it’s the fundamental right of all sentient beings.

In a world filled with many of its communist inclined inhabitants screaming “oppression!” at capitalism and it’s myriad of offered choices, a good thing becomes an even better thing.  Not only is a bureaucrat’s decision about what you put into your body going to be better than any decision you could make yourself, it will also free you from the oppression you face from capitalism.  Capitalism, in all it’s glorious horror, presents us with a myriad of choices attempting to satisfy all our wants and desires, to the point that it actually buries us under a pile of choices that no one human could possibly climb out of.

Well fear no more, because the French government is here to save you.  Well, at least a little bit (I’m sure they’re working on further solutions as we speak.  Ruling people is forever a work in progress).  Nobody in France will ever suffer the burden of having to choose if they want to freely refill their soda again.  That’s right!  If I want to offer unlimited refills to you, and you want to buy unlimited refills from me, too bad, because a man with a gun is saying we can’t.  Which really, isn’t a bad thing.  Violence is only bad when it negatively affects you, not when it does great things for you, like free you from choice.

So calm that nagging voice in your head that’s whining about freedom.  They’re looking out for us, and only have our best intentions at heart.  I love big brother, and you should too.

Full disclosure:  I don’t drink much soda.  It’s not good for you.  But should someone be able to offer me unlimited refills as an incentive to purchase?  Of course they should.  Freedom isn’t just a good idea, it’s the fundamental right of all sentient beings.  Deal with it.

One Reply to “The French Ban on Soda Refills is…Sodum”

  1. Any soda fountain accessible by the public now must be removed or cordoned off. So much for self-serve. Think of all the new soda-attendant jobs that just sprang into existence! Thank you wise overlords!

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